Meet Matthew Hayes: Identity Coach

We had the good fortune of connecting with Matthew Hayes and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Matthew, how do you think about risk?

That’s a great question and to answer in short- I love it. Taking a risk has literally created the foundation of my life and I can actually tell you the exact moment when I realized just how important it was (and would be) for me.

Big flashback- it was one of my first days of 8^th grade. I had just gotten off the school bus and was walking to class when a girl named Jasmine, who I’d seen in passing but didn’t know, stopped me in my tracks. She stood directly in front of me, a strong but small brown girl with glasses and braces, looked me up and down and said:

“You’re different.”

It caught me completely off guard because I could tell she didn’t mean it in a bad way, I just didn’t know how she meant it… at all. Up to that point, I didn’t really consider myself ‘different’. In fact, I didn’t really consider myself- anything. I was a kid. However, her small two-word sentence did something to me.

That was the moment when I realized that from that point forward, I would have to choose who I was going to be. Was being ‘different’ going to be a badge of honor or a badge of shame? To this day, I am so thankful for this small, 30 second interaction in the 8^th grade because she made me get out of the pattern of just living a life and started me on the path of learning to create one.

So in a society that would often have us think, act, believe and behave like those we’re around- to make the choice to be fully you, to shake the boat, and to go against the grain- feels like one of the biggest risks there is.

But I’ll also tell you this- that bold decision to stand in my truth no matter what it looked like or who agreed… that is what allowed my purpose to eventually grow and take shape. So, when it comes to risk, I say go for it. There is no such thing as failure if you commit to constantly moving forward.

Can you give our readers an introduction to your business? Maybe you can share a bit about what you do and what sets you apart from others?

Absolutely! Now, I know we just talked about standing in my truth and owning my ‘different’ but that took time to learn how to do. Like a lot of people, I ended up falling into the traps of comparisons, self-judgement and insecurity for a time.

It all came together though and made a pivot in 2015 when I was experiencing my second large depression and was seriously thinking about taking my life. In an instant, it felt like the hundreds of times I had suppressed my emotions and swallowed my feelings all came crashing down.

When I started this coaching journey- I was in survival mode. I wanted to learn all the tools and tricks… for me; I didn’t have a goal to create a business from it. I just wanted to stop hurting because deep down, I knew there had to be another way to live. So, that’s what I did. I learned the tricks, the tools, how the brain works, what ‘being’ could actually mean and it was like my eyes were opened for a second time.

Where Jasmine gave me the awareness of being me, I’d finally learned the skill of how to do it.

I remember coming home after one of my first training courses, looking around at my friends and family, and feeling such a deep sense of compassion and love for them. I saw things completely differently now. Before where I would have seen a ‘bad attitude’, I now saw hurt and pain. Where I would have seen procrastination and excuses, I now saw the fears and limiting beliefs that were holding them back. In that moment- the business (and my purpose) was born. I just knew that dark space far too well and with my new knowledge of learning how to come out of it- I had to do something. I knew what it felt like to feel completely alone and from that point on- I vowed to give everything I could to helping other people rediscover their light.

Now, my vision is to help heal humanity with truth and transparency. I want to help get us to the place where we feel comfortable acknowledging and sharing our truth out loud. I don’t want us to only be authentic when we have a ‘safe space’- I want us to learn to be our own ‘safe spaces’ so we can always show up and be ourselves.

I personally believe that we hold the keys to all our locks and sometimes, we just need someone with a flashlight to help us find them. That’s my role.

And over the last few years of being in the trenches with all kinds of people, from those living on the street to NASA Directors, the thing I am most proud of… is them. Those who came and did the work. Those who dug deep into themselves despite their fears. Those who were just crazy enough to believe that they could make a difference.

To get to be a small part in people finding their truth and owning their life – that is a gift that I will be eternally grateful for.

Let’s say your best friend was visiting the area and you wanted to show them the best time ever. Where would you take them? Give us a little itinerary – say it was a week long trip, where would you eat, drink, visit, hang out, etc.

My best friend knows I love to mix things up things, and I mean that literally and metaphorically. I love mixing sauces when we go to Chick-fil-a, fashion styles, groups of friends, ideas etc.

I am just a huge fan of the discovery of something new and the vibe that’s attached to that, and when possible, I love to share those kinds experiences with other people. Moments where we arrive somewhere new, together.

All that to say, we’d do everything!

We would probably spend at least one day outside playing games, reading, listening to music and telling stories either at the park, or in my backyard. Since I live about 15 min from the water, we would make at least one beach trip to soak in the sun and camp out. I know a cool, slightly ratchet/slightly awesome hole in the wall spot that’s downtown. It has bad music and good drinks so… we would probably go twice (happy hour is on Wednesday and Friday ha!) The next day hit up some dope local art galleries and museums. Oh, and we’d definitely have a few days exploring good restaurants or stopping by some of our local favorites, trying to find hidden gems, and taking drives without destinations.

Then finally, because we’re old, we would need a day for Netflix, Uber Eats and SLEEP to recover.

Who else deserves some credit and recognition?

Website: www.coachmatthewhayes.com

Instagram: coachmatthewhayes

Linkedin: Matthew Hayes

Facebook: Coach Matthew Hayes