Meet Linzy Barnett | Sex Enthusiast, Therapist, and Revolutionary

We had the good fortune of connecting with Linzy Barnett and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Linzy, can you walk us through the thought-process of starting your business?
While I did not always know what it was going to look like or how I was going to get there, I did know pretty early on I wanted to be a sex therapist. For most of my life I have been the “wild”, “slutty”, and “curious” friend. The one who was researching how the mystery worked, comfortable talking about sex, hyping friends and family up to experiment, encouraging safer sex practices, and offering my own vulnerability. So when I got to undergrad and learned there was such a thing as a sex therapist, I was immediately excited and set out to become a therapist with the ultimate goal of helping people find freedom and prioritize pleasure. I see sexual pleasure as a part of social justice. We all deserve it and are not often given the tools to enjoy it, so why not use my interest and talents as a way to continue the sexual revolution!

Alright, so for those in our community who might not be familiar with your business, can you tell us more?
<b>What was your thought process behind starting your own business?</b>

While I did not always know what it was going to look like or how I was going to get there, I did know pretty early on I wanted to be a sex therapist. For most of my life I have been the “wild”, “slutty”, and “curious” friend. The one who was researching how the mystery worked, comfortable talking about sex, hyping friends and family up to experiment, encouraging safer sex practices, and offering my own vulnerability. So when I got to undergrad and learned there was such a thing as a sex therapist, I was immediately excited and set out to become a therapist with the ultimate goal of helping people find freedom and prioritize pleasure. I see sexual pleasure as a part of social justice. We all deserve it and are rarely given the tools to enjoy it. So why not spend my days helping myself and others build lives full of pleasure!

<b>What’s one piece of conventional advice you disagree with?</b>

It drives me wild, and not in the fun, sexy way, when I hear people say, “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” I totally disagree for so many reasons! One, because doing what I love means I’m incredibly invested and care about all the little details, making it difficult to let things go, compartmentalize, and set boundaries. Two, sex has become a special interest/hobby so my professional life can easily seep into all areas of my life making work life balance feel impossible sometimes. Three, since doing what I love involves sex, I frequently can experience people seeing me and my work as a joke or frivolous, which can tap into the parts of me that then want to work extra hard to gain the respect and admiration of people I clearly don’t share the same values with. In short, doing what I love means I can easily work myself tirelessly from every angle because I deeply care about people learning to prioritize pleasure, especially as an act of resistance. Shout to Adrienne Marie Brown and Pleasure Activism.

<b>Risk taking: How do you think about risk? What role has risk taking played in your life/career? </b>

Whew, me and risk definitely have a complicated relationship. It is both scary and essential in many ways to me, both personally, and especially professionally. Honestly, without risk I would not be a sex therapist. In this field, calculated, ethical, and courageous risk is often where the most meaningful growth happens. To be clear, I don’t want recklessness to get confused with risk here. But rather it’s choosing authenticity over comfort, truth over avoidance, integrity over image, and honoring yourself above all. Honestly, risk is inherent in all parts of this work because talking about sex in a society soaked in shame, silence, and judgement is already a radical act. And whether it is naming trauma, questioning monogamy, exploring yourself through kink, or accepting your body in all its glory–shout out to Sonya Renee Taylor and <u>The Body is Not an Apoology</u>–clients are taking a risk every time they speak with me. So if I’m expecting such courage and risk from them, then I have to model the same. You can’t truly be effective as a sex therapist or build great relationships without being willing to sit in the uncomfortable, unknown spaces of our souls. This means I risk being wrong, judged, and sometimes the approval of others in hopes of helping us all find sexual liberation.

<b>What habits do you think helped you succeed?</b>

Being a sex therapist is not about having all the answers or living a “perfect” sexual life. Success in this field is both deeply personal and profoundly relational. For me, it’s not only about professional milestones, but also about being present, informed, open, and nonjudgmental while I bear witness to the positive, tangible shifts in my clients’ lives. So success comes from creating brave and safe spaces where people can heal from shame, rediscover joy, and define intimacy on their own terms. A few habits that have supported my journey would include: ongoing education, clinical supervision and consultation, engaging my own work, developing cultural humility, setting boundaries, tending to work life balance to prevent burnout, building community, and staying curious.

You know, I believe in the power of education, especially with intention. I have focused a great deal of my training and education on learning from BIPOC, queer, and kinky folks with a trauma-informed lens. I’ve been intentional to seek out supervision and consultation from folks who believe in the importance of challenging the white-supremacist capitalist patriarchy–shout out to Bell Hooks–and how it impacts everything: our mental health, the narratives we hold, the ways we move through the world, and especially our sexual selves. Enough can’t be said about the ways my own life and professional life have been revolutionized by the amazing therapists I have learned from, built community around, and especially those who have and hold space for me to engage my own work. It is within these relationships I am able to confront and heal my own biases, wounds, and blind spots in order to become more comfortable with my own sexual stories and move more authentically for myself and others.

<b>What is the most important factor behind your success/the success of your brand?</b>

It might sound cheesy, but authenticity. So much of a successful therapeutic experience relies on the relationship between the therapist and client. One of my strategies for building rapport and longevity with clients is to show up as my authentic self, which is playful, honest, caring, and I love to curse. I am not a therapist who believes in the concept of a blank slate, and rather I think who I am and how I move through the world is an important factor in helping clients decide if I could be a good fit for them. I use my relationship as a practicing ground with clients. So how we interact, share hard things with each other, and connect matters for how our work will go, and what they can understand about how they move through the world and connect with others. And related to this, I am much more selective with who I say yes to working with now, because my best work comes from clients who are also a good fit for me. A good fit for me can be a lot of things, but my practice is intended to be a safe place for queer folks, women, and folks interested in exploring themselves and their relationships, especially their sexuality. I also see a lot of folks who are ethically non monogamous, practicing kink, and repairing their sexual relationships. This takes a lot of trust and truth telling, and how can I expect others to be vulnerable and share some of their deepest parts with me if I am not authentic myself. Obviously our therapeutic time isn’t spent talking about me, and I don’t think clients would be surprised by who I am in my personal life.

<b>What is the most important lesson your career or business has taught you?</b>

Stay curious! If there is anything this work has taught me, people are complicated and the best way to understand them is to stay curious and open! Honestly, people fascinate me. I’ve always been quite nosy when it comes to people. Everyone in my life will tell you I ask a lot of nosy questions and I love a secret! Which actually makes me a great therapist. The more I can stay in an open position, not make assumptions and judgements, and pursue the unknown, the more I can help others explore themselves and seek deeper understanding. A small example of what I mean, people love to say, “And then we had sex.” I have learned this means a lot of different things to a lot of different people, so assuming sex means something specific to everyone is a set up. It turns out it can mean holding hands, oral sex, anal sex, enveloped sex, making out naked, etc. So keeping myself in a place of curiosity and continuing to ask questions has been so instrumental in helping myself and clients dig deeper into what’s happening, why, and building the life they want with intention. Right, because so many of us can fall into the trap of doing things out of obligation, fear, expectations, avoidance, anxiousness, habit, limited information, lack of imagination, or whatever, and I want myself and clients to be dreamers who encourage ourselves and communities to create the lives we want with intention and freedom. It is not easy to do, but curiosity definitely helps us get there.
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Work life balance: How has your balance changed over time? How do you think about the balance?</b>

Work life balance is a relatively new concept for me. I come from a single-parent household where my mom modeled the importance of grinding and doing what you need to do. Plus, we are all familiar with the ways capitalism encourages us to provide labor until we have nothing left, which is directly related to how grad school treats you. So pre-pandemic I was working 12 hour days, going to professional events 3-4 days a week outside of work, such as office openings, networking events, continuing education events, etc. I was absolutely on my way to burning out and didn’t even realize it. The pandemic changed everything. I no longer work 6 days a week, 12 hour days, with multiple professional events in a week. I am incredibly privileged to say my work life balance is currently pretty amazing. I see clients 3 days a week, no more than 7 clients a day, and I am intentional about what professional events I say yes to, probably averaging 1-3 a month. I often say I am time rich because I truly have changed my life by creating more space to care for myself. I may not have lump sum bonuses, paid time off, or healthcare benefits that come with working for larger companies, but I make my own schedule, take time off as I need it, and basically get to design my work life just as I want it. So I am often using the additional time away from seeing clients taking my dog and me on a daily walk, completing my chores, learning to sew, baking, attending my own therapy, planting flowers, making bouquets, connecting with community, playing with my niblings, volunteering, watching movies, reading, exploring my own sexual desires, and whatever else my heart desires. Tending to myself outside of work has been incredibly revolutionary to my personal life and enables me to show up as my best self to the work with clients. My work as a therapist is absolutely made possible by maintaining work life balance.

Any places to eat or things to do that you can share with our readers? If they have a friend visiting town, what are some spots they could take them to?
I have some of the greatest community, and we are known to alternate hosting amongst our places, where we laugh, play cards, have dinner parties, sew, deconstruct the world, and encourage sexual liberation! Since everyone can’t stop by all of our place, here are a few spots in Atlanta I love.

I’m not too into breakfast; however I do like a bagel from Bside or a croissant from Ash Coffee. I love getting a fresh haircut from Rasheed at Atlanta Hot Shave. He will always get you right! I feel so renewed and fresh after a day full of food, saunas, and the body shampoo at JeJu. I love the variety of classes offered at Westview Maker Space. There is always time to pick up a new sex toy at Kiss and Ride after you get a fantastic alignment from Dr. Coco at Coven Chiropractic. 7 Stages has a lot of experimental and unique theatre. I enjoy a dirty gin martini from Highland Tap. Vegan Dream Donuts has some amazing desserts and vegan food on the late night tip. I’d check Charis Books for any author readings, craft nights, and dating events. It never hurts to check out My Sister’s Room, Mary’s, and MJQ for some good night life. Tassilli’s Raw Reality has the best kale wrap in the city for sure! And who can pass up checking out the green spaces–whether it’s Piedmont Park or the beltline.

Shoutout is all about shouting out others who you feel deserve additional recognition and exposure. Who would you like to shoutout?
Oh my goodness! There are so many people to shoutout and thank for helping me along my journey. Erika Pluhar, who basically birthed me as a therapist. I am so grateful for the ways she has encouraged and guided me. My clients who trust me with the intimate parts of their soul. My lovers and friends who hold me accountable and see me in all my complexity. The great thinkers of the past, present, and future who challenge our ideas and help us grow!. The revolutionaries who continue to help us try to change systems of oppression because none of us are free until we are all free!

Website: https://www.sextherapywithlinzy.com/

Image Credits
David Parham Photography