Meet Jami Fregeau | The Neurodivergent Nurse Podcast and Instagram creator

We had the good fortune of connecting with Jami Fregeau and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Jami, how has your background shaped the person you are today?
Until the age of 13 I grew up in a small town in South Carolina that had a population of less than 500 people. I personally believe those years were the ones that not only cut deep into my emotions but would leave the ugliest of scars. Through elementary and middle school I felt as though I had no friends and I was bullied constantly. Though it sounds like common childhood drama the kids in my class would not only make fun of my four-cornered nose, ridicule me for being the smallest girl in the class but would also call me derogatory names like “faggot.” I was always known to be a tender-hearted child who was afraid to make people unhappy. I can still remember my 8th grade science teacher putting on my report card, “Needs more self confidence.” Every vile word used to describe me, with every piece of chewed gum put in my hair on a church bus, with every whisper it cut into my soul. Little did I know then the pain I felt then would alter the way I would see myself into adulthood making the simplest tasks unbearable.

My parents and I moved to Alabama at the end of my ninth grade year that helped me breathe socially for the first. I felt acceptance as I made many friends during that high school career. I continued my cheerleading career then, was nominated for homecoming court as part of the literary club. I was voted in our yearbook “Who’s Who” as most spirited. Even though I was finally blossoming and flourishing in a social setting it was too late. I wasn’t aware then that I had ADHD as the presentation of symptoms are significantly different for girls than boys. With ADHD often comes Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). RSD is an overwhelming emotional sensation that a person may experience in response to an actual or perceived rejection or criticism.

While my later teen years were better I asked my mom multiple times a day, “Do you think I’m beautiful? Do you really think I’m smart or are you just saying that because I’m your daughter?” The multitudes of questions she was asked would be unimaginable for “normal” people to imagine. Though she always answered “yes” and would always try to cultivate belief in her words I never truly held the messages as truth.

I went on to cheer in college on a full scholarship, was captain of my college team, graduated my first degree with honors but the things said to me before I ever became a teenager remained the truth of my soul. I married a man much older than myself when I was 20. Even though we lived in a large home on the golf course, I drove a BMW, and enjoyed life to the fullest. With living such a great life I still would go weeks without looking at myself in a mirror. I would cry when I saw my reflection. As I got older I realized it was because I was seeing myself through the lens of those from my past. Coworkers would laugh and say I had “Ugly Duckling Syndrome.” I never found it funny. As an adult I was unable to walk into a crowd alone in fear that people would see me, Jami. They wouldn’t see the cheerleader who was talented, they wouldn’t see the coach that knew how to talk to the kids, they wouldn’t see the golfer that had a great drive from the tee box. They would see me in all my reality and ugliness and realness. I experienced panic attacks when a friend wouldn’t show up to an event as I sat paralyzed in my car with difficulty breathing, my heart feeling like it would explode inside my chest, and tears running down my face. These were normal occurrences.

I went back to school to become a registered nurse. Though I graduated with honors previously nursing school was hard. I struggled with understanding the tests. Though they weren’t word problems like I struggled with in school during math class they were strangely similar. I couldn’t comprehend the answer the question was seeking. Honestly any nursing student will tell you they give you 3 correct answers and you have to decide with is the MOST RIGHT. My brain would spiral and I could rationalize all the right answers and choosing the “most right” felt like someone having to decide which wire to cut on a bomb. My nursing instructor told me no one could teach me to “critically think” alluding to the fact I wasn’t cut out to be a nurse. What did I do? Withdrew from school. This person didn’t believe in me so it must be true. I believed if someone said it about me they knew better than I did. Afterall they are seeing it from an objective angle, right? A year later I reapplied and went on to receive my nursing degree. The self doubt didn’t stop there.

My mom always told be as my anxiety flared doing things as a novice that no one ever walked to the starting line as a professional. Everyone was a beginner once. Great words that I never took to be true until later. My first ICU job two weeks in my manager told me I would make a great floor nurse but I wasn’t “cut out” to be an ICU nurse. I begged for another chance. Months later I started a new job in the Neurosurgical/Neurological Intensive Care Unit where during my orientation my preceptor said in front of me how unintelligent I was.

Fast Forward 10 years I have since worked at 6 of the top 50 hospitals in the country two of which were ranked in the top 3 during my time there in Neuro ICU. I still doubted myself so much until December of 2020 when I was diagnosed with ADHD. Suddenly a light bulb went off in my head as I began learning about Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, difficulty with comprehension, executive dysfunction, and all the ways my brain struggled because it was neurodivergent striving for success in a world made for neurotypicals to succeed. The weight that was lifted when I learned I’m not a slob, I’m not an airhead, I’m not dumb, I’m not “too much” can never be quantified with words, but I knew other adults with ADHD needed to stop carrying that weight too. I brainstormed ways in which I could reach the most adults with ADHD and meet them where they are with a message of belonging and understanding. That was when The Neurodivergent Nurse was created.

Due to my life and struggles growing up and discovering who I am with the brain I have I decided to start a podcast and Instagram account, The Neurodivergent Nurse where I am able to share tips for issues like punctuality, procrastination, oversharing, social anxiety, relationships and more. The topics are truly endless as ADHD is all encompassing for those of us who have it.

Let’s talk shop? Tell us more about your career, what can you share with our community?
I graduated from nursing school in 2011. As I mentioned previously nursing school and being a nurse had many mountains to climb and conquer. Neuro ICU I found was my niche and my specialty since 2012. I have been a dedicated charge nurse at Wake Forest Baptist Hospital in Winston Salem North Carolina and Forsyth Medical Center. I’ve had the joy of being a travel nurse and having the honor or working in the Neuro ICU at Johns Hopkins Hospital, Duke University Hospital, Massachusetts General Hospital, Barrow Neurological Institute, Yale New Haven Hospital, and more. I’m currently a Rapid Response Nurse in North Carolina.

I am asked all the time from other nurses and nursing students with ADHD how I ever found a way to manage my ADHD and to be successful in my career. Like many others with ADHD it was anything but easy. Even once I was working in a unit I found such difficulty with keeping up with labs that were due, hourly checks, charting, and so much more. Part of my “problem” (in a good way) is I never cut corners and I never became complacent. I had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and needed to know all I could about the brain. Being “good” was never good enough for me.

Through my years (and continued today) in my practice I have had the honor for helping other nurses learn to be proficient and excel as a nurse. My brain seems to never “shut off” so I’m constantly creating tools to help such as report sheets, education with time management, and products to use on the job.

The title The Neurodivergent Nurse is a bit deceiving as it is not a podcast and page made only for nurses and future nurses. Life is difficult for ADHDers no matter where you are in life and in your career. There are additional resources to be found for nurses within some episodes and my Patreon because it is what I know best.

Some lessons that I learned are difficult to take to heart is that I won’t be loved by every person in this world and that is okay. While that’s a reality it also includes that I am loved by people. I do have value in the lives of others. I didn’t recognize that fact for so long because I only had my failures in the forefront of my mind playing on a loop recorder. It takes time to see past the picture we’ve painted for ourselves but we are talented, we are creative thinkers, we are funny, we are compassionate, we are warriors, and most importantly we deserve to take up space in this world. Our existence is not a burden to others.

Any places to eat or things to do that you can share with our readers? If they have a friend visiting town, what are some spots they could take them to?
Day 1- I would start off by having a picnic around Centennial Olympic Park and let her see the cool Fountain of Rings. We would then would grab a drink at Reformation Brewery.

Day 2- We would go check out High Museum of Art since we are both art lovers. We will have a nice dinner in Houston’s that evening.

Day 3- We will Visit Dr. King’s birth home and historic Ebenezer Baptist Church at the Martin Luther King, Jr. National Historical Park in Atlanta and take the King Historic District Tour with Unexpected Atlanta Tours. We will have dinner that night at Wreckingbar Brewpub.

Day 4- We will have a bit more fun and have lunch and play at top golf. (I’ll probably frustrate patrons when I carry my University of Alabama club bag in.) If she’s not too tired I will have to take her to the World of Coca Cola Museum.

Who else deserves some credit and recognition?
My mom, Jan Jackson absolutely deserves all the credit. She bought a book for me, “Do You Think I’m Beautiful” by Angela Thomas that began reframing how I saw myself. I remember when she gave it to me she said, “I bought this for you because it is something you always asked me but never believed.” She also encouraged me faithfully through all the trials and hard times in my life with the belief I was not only strong enough to make it past the towering obstacles but one day my story would be a light of hope for others going through the same experience.

Website: www.theneurodivergentnurse.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theneurodivergentnurse/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ADHD_RN_Podcast

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1279332412452172/user/100077778281573

Other: https://open.spotify.com/show/40xKXN836KQdIHw2YfgGvx?si=43b40652be1d4044