Meet Ashley Murphy | Sexual Esteem & Wellness Therapist

We had the good fortune of connecting with Ashley Murphy and we’ve shared our conversation below.

Hi Ashley, have there been any changes in how you think about work-life balance?
I recently moved across the country to Atlanta, Georgia, after working for the last 10 years in law enforcement. For most of my career, I knew that I wanted to actually work in a career that was tangibly rewarding. I worked in various facets of the criminal justice system, but working in the county jail was the push I needed to “free” myself. It’s funny because these large organizations and corporations push work-life balance, yet demand so much of you to where balance with anything becomes foreign. I went from being a number – working 40+ hours with sometimes 20+ hours of overtime a week, going to school full time, seeing clients for free as an intern full time, while neglecting myself and doing my best to show up for everyone else, to finally experiencing what it feels like to have full autonomy and full control over not just my daily work schedule, but my daily life. Freedom is liberating. Balance in all areas of your life is essential. When I think about balance, I think about giving everything that I love, the same amount of time. When it is foreign to you, it seems impossible, but when it becomes a part of your daily life – it becomes something that you never want to trade in again!

Can you open up a bit about your work and career? We’re big fans and we’d love for our community to learn more about your work.
I like to think that my career as a therapist started long before my ability to conceptualize the basic fundamentals of life. In other words, I believe that I am innately a therapist. I’ve always been the person people – knowingly and unknowingly – came up to just to be heard – like the average person, just wants a chance to tell their story. I have always been interested in people’s actions and behaviors. I have always been very observant. In fact, as a child, I wanted to be a Forensic Scientist. Dead people were so fascinating to me because in my eyes they always told a story, that I had to figure out. The dream of being a Forensic Scientist was short lived because Science was never my strong suite. I could not grasp the concepts of understanding the anatomy of the human body, and in high school, the only reason why I passed Chemistry was because my teacher thought I was “gorgeous.” No lie! Once I accepted the things I weren’t good at, I shifted my focus to my love and interest of people. The investigative and the mental part of death – particularly the minds of criminals was always so fascinating to me. It was my all girls high school (2003-2007), at St. Mary’s Academy in Inglewood, California with Ms. Queen, where I became interested in Sociology (the study of people), and Psychology (the study of how people think and how their thoughts affect their behavior). Kanye West was my very first client to diagnose. An eventful shift happened my last year of high school and so the main goal for me was ending my senior of high school and moving on with my life.

After graduating high school, I went to Cal State Dominguez Hills for a year (2007-2008) and tried my luck again with the sciences. As a freshman, I majored in Biology and failed completely. That was the end of my attempts with the Physical Sciences. I had the best college experience as a freshman at CSUDH, but I can admit now, that I wasted so much money. After completing the spring semester, I transferred to El Camino Community College where I spent a great deal of my time (2008-2012) and studied Sociology. I excelled and stuck to what I knew best – people. I was introduced to anthropology and speech communications and it was there where I had found my adult voice. Professors like Jason Davidson and Rosemary Swade were essential in my development as a young adult. They challenged me in being expressive of my feelings and emotions creatively. In high school and even before, I thought I was going to have a career as an actor but let my mother tell it, “there wasn’t any money in being a dancer or an actor.” And I believed her. No fault to my mother, I understood at a young age, the importance of stability and having money saved for a rainy day.

After completing enough courses to transfer to a university, I transferred and got accepted to an all women’s college which is now Mount St. Mary’s University (2012-2014) in Los Angeles, California. As an undergraduate student, I was older than most of the girls I was in school with. I majored in Criminology and double-minored in Sociology and GIS (Geographic Information Systems). I was able to mix my love for criminals and my love for people with my love for creating maps to answer any and all questions. It was in undergraduate where I started growing into my professional self. I was working part time jobs here and there just to pay my cell phone and little bills I had. I was in my early 20’s so even though I had the support of my mother and my aunt (financially), I still experienced one of the lowest mental health moments of my life. School was all I knew. It was my bread and butter and the only thing keeping me afloat. I tried entrepreneurship in many different variances but never felt good enough. I wasn’t sure what my life would be like beyond 24, and I was okay with giving up on the hopes of things actually working out for me.

While an undergrad, I went to volunteer at Inglewood Police Department in the Economic Crimes Bureau. It was there where I met Detective Eric Tapper. That actually wasn’t the first time we met, because after graduating high school, I was hired as a 911 emergency safety dispatcher and I worked there for a year before I was let go. It’s funny how things work, because it was a full circle moment being back at the place that let me go. Seems like the story of my life. As an intern, I worked closely with Tapper investigating crimes that involved identity theft, fraud, and other criminal activity related to finances. I was taught how to conduct interviews, what to look for when making home visits, the patterns of criminals, and an array of other skills that would benefit me later in life. It was never my dream to be an officer, but when I turned 24, I applied to the Los Angeles County Sheriffs Department and was the last recruit added to Class #82 to be a Custody Assistant aka “Correctional Officer,” which would change my life forever.

Growing up in a single-parent home in Compton was a beautiful experience. Being raised by a stern, yet supportive mother was another experience. She provided for my brother and I and we were never without the physical and financial parts of what having a parent provided children. So I was raised to have tough skin. I was raised to be tough and to be strong Black woman. And so that is what I was as an officer. I graduated from undergraduate school and from the academy at the same time. I was in an academy 5 days a week getting yelled at and doing strenuous activities and completing assignments when I got home. I started working in the county jail at 25 and I knew from the moment I stepped into the jungle-like environment that I was there just for a season. I knew I was nothing like the rest of my partners. I was sent to do the Lord’s work. Where my partners enforced the laws, I asked questions that got me answers to why those individuals were incarcerated in the first place. Already operating as an officer with a mental health background, one thing I always made sure of, was that I treated each inmate with the same respect that I would have wanted my loved ones to be treated with. Now, did I have to remind them sometimes of where I was from without me actually telling them where I was from, absolutely, but I always got the respect that I deserved.

I walked the main line and I provided security for some of your most notorious, high-profile cased criminals. The interest as to how their minds worked was still fascinating to me. Over my 7 year span in custody, I had over 1,000 conversations with men and women who simply just wanted to share their stories. Some of them who went into jail the same time I went in as an officer. Working in the jail, humbled me. I tried three times to become a Deputy Sheriff but was met with adversity each time. After having my education and after seeing the type of individuals they were hiring who were no where near qualified for the position, I resorted to what I knew best – my education and going back to school. I applied to USC again and actually got in this time. I didn’t use the “I love Dead People” card, I used the “I work with the criminals who have killed dead people and I want to help them.” USC wasn’t a great fit for me, so I transferred to Pepperdine University which shifted the trajectory of life as we now know it. For the next three years of my career, I spent time navigating through life as an officer who had goals of helping those individuals who felt invisible and ignored.

I studied Clinical Psychology with new dreams of becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist – specifically a Sex Therapist. Graduate school helped shape me into the woman I am today. After years of rejection, and being told “no,” and having doors continuously shut in my face, I gave it my all. Between the courses, the friends I made in my classes, and the amazing professors I was blessed to have along my journey, I grew and matured more each year. As a therapist, people don’t understand the work it takes to strip down to the core of your soul and work on you. People don’t see the hurt and pain it takes to listen to horrific stories of other people’s experiences and traumas. Things get real when you are triggered by some of the stories you hear, because some of the stories you hear are your same shared experiences and traumas. People don’t see the strength it takes to show up for people during a pandemic – helping people navigate through their issues and problems, while you yourself need help navigating through your own personal issues and problems. People don’t understand the super power it takes to be friends and family with therapists who do their absolute best not to break down and give up on life – themselves.

On February 2, 2022, I sat in my work booth for the last time and wrote my resignation letter from the very place that didn’t appreciate me being there in the first place. I got off the next morning and turned it in, and have never felt so free and liberated in my life. I received an offer to work in Atlanta, Georgia, as a contracted Marriage and Family Therapist where I am not seen as a number, but where my supervisor is so excited to have me on his team!!! Where I have full autonomy to operate under his supervision until I become a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

So, no, my journey to becoming a Marriage and Family Sex Therapist was not easy, but it was worth it. I overcame each challenge I faced by navigating through each challenge given to me. I made it a point to surround myself with individuals who uplifted me, who had a relationship with God and who prayed for me. I showed humility and I forgave people along the way, while asking for my own forgiveness from people. As a Sexual Esteem & Wellness Therapist, I operate from a Narrative and Emotional Focused therapeutic approach. I help my clients navigate through their experiences and externalize their problems and issues, while also taking our time to work together to really dig deep and communicate their feelings. I do my best to stay away from labeling, which is why I am never the expert of my client’s lives more than they are. When it comes to working with couples and individuals, the thing that sets me apart is my transparent and straight forward personality. I never tell them what to do or how to do things, I ask them questions that results in them seeing things from a different lens and perspective – even in the bedroom!

If you had a friend visiting you, what are some of the local spots you’d want to take them around to?
You know what, I’m a Calif girl and I am only a month new to the city, so I am actually the best friend looking to be shown a good time. Lol. And to be honest, I don’t think there’s enough conversation about how difficult it is to make friends as an adult – in a new place. Nonetheless, from what I have experienced so far, and me, knowing my friends, I would take them through the historical parts of Atlanta, then slide over to The Atlanta Breakfast Club. I would then come back to my place and rest, because the aunties ain’t young no more Chile – so a nap or two is a requirement. Then we’d have to hit the strip club – so either Magic City, Cheetah Lounge, or Peaches for a night filled with ass shaking and lemon pepper chicken wings!!! In between time, I’d take them to Buckhead to shop and get drinks and just enjoy girl time!!!

The Shoutout series is all about recognizing that our success and where we are in life is at least somewhat thanks to the efforts, support, mentorship, love and encouragement of others. So is there someone that you want to dedicate your shoutout to?
First giving honor to God, who is and who will continue to be the head of my life, I’d like to extend a warm shoutout of eternal support to my “Shuga” (aka my mother) for choosing to carry me for nine months and for being the vessel to birth me into this world with no epidural, and a few pushes. I’d also like to shoutout my high school teacher Ms. Queen who introduced and planted the seed in sparking my interest in Sociology and Psychology. It all started with choosing a celebrity to diagnose and who better than early 2000’s Kanye West. And lastly, to my tribe – thank y’all for being apart of my journey!!!

Website: https://www.ashleydmurphy.com

Instagram: iamashleydmurphy

Image Credits
Kaye McCoy